Healing the Motherhood Wound

motherhood Mar 30, 2020

I want to take a minute and speak on an issue very close to my heart - the motherhood wound.

While we made the choice to become mothers, what we did not know was the amount of micro trauma that we would endure on a daily basis. As a mother of five children, I feel my nervous system go into fight or flight a ridiculous amount of times per day. 

The daily screaming, crying, sibling quarrels, messes (soooo many messes), endless demands, emotional nurturing and energetic space holding can often be overwhelming to say the least. 

But no one talks about this. 

And most of us were not taught how to endure this nor were we provided the level of nurturing and, let’s be honest, the due diligence required to navigate the online world with our kids that we are expected to provide in today’s culture of attachment parenting and emotional intelligence. 

Which means we have our own unhealed wounds that are likely being constantly triggered on the daily. Thus recreating the stress response in the body over and over again. 

So if you are like me and aren’t feeling soooo grateful to be home with your kids 24/7 right now (or ever) and the Coronavirus memes going around on social media make you want to punch the shit out of someone…

I want you to know that you are seen and heard. 

Something that I have decided to speak more on and give more of a voice to is the completely valid feelings of not wanting to be a mom, not enjoying motherhood and downright wanting to run the fuck away. 

Most of us don’t speak about these feelings for several reasons….

  • Either we aren’t fully aware of our resistance and resentment. 
  • We fear the deep shame that will be placed on us if we share our truth.
  • And the enormous guilt we feel for even having these seemingly “horrible” thoughts and feelings. 

Of course, we don’t want to feel this way. I know for my own self, that I don’t want my kids to feel the energetics behind what I am truly feeling inside. And I consider myself to be a pretty fuckin’ woke, conscious mom. I am in tune with my feelings and have a shit ton of tools and practices to pull from - which I do - and I still feel this way often

→ Perhaps motherhood feels like a reflection of your many failures as a mother.
→ Perhaps you had a painful childhood and never wanted that same pain for your own child(ren).
→ Perhaps you feel completely unequipped for the demands of motherhood and are unsure if you will ever be enough. 
→ Perhaps you just don’t want to even try anymore because it all just feels too damn overwhelming. 

Wherever you are today, I want you to know it’s okay. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not crazy. We are all just learning. Everything you are feeling is valid and real. You are not alone. Feel your feelings and give them a voice. Let them out. Then offer yourself radical forgiveness and grace. You can do this.

Tools + Practices for Healing

Journaling
Ask yourself the following questions….

How do I feel about being a mother?
What am I making this mean about me or what’s possible for me? Why?
What will happen if I continue to feel this way?
How do I desire to feel instead?
Who do I need to be (insert desired feeling state)?
What practices am I committed to to become that version of myself?

Daily Self-Care 
If you are a mom, you likely will need to get up before your kids and make time for yourself. This might look like yoga, meditation, breathwork, tapping, a walk in nature, etc. These are my go-to self-care tools. Yours might look different and that’s totally cool. Do you. But just make sure to commit to this daily practice. It brings about so much consistent healing by allowing the energy to move through and out of the physical and energetic body.

Talk With Someone
Listen so many of us just need to process what we are experiencing and in order to do that we need to talk to someone. Maybe that’s a coach or a therapist or just a trusted friend or family member. Whoever you choose, make sure they are a SAFE (non-judgemental) person who can see you and hear you. I promise that level of validation is priceless. And if you don't have someone you can talk to right now, it’s your responsibility to find that person and allow yourself to be supported. You are worthy of being supported. Period. 

Reprogram Your Identity
One of the first things that you can (and should) do on your healing journey is to reprogram who you think you are. If the results you are getting are not what you want, it all starts here. Who we identify as is who we are. It’s how we show up in life. It’s how we BE. Here’s how to begin…. 

Craft new “I am” statements based on how you want to BE and FEEL. 

  • I am whole, complete and perfect. 
  • I am capable. 
  • I am love. 
  • I am resilient. 
  • I am safe. 
  • I am powerful. 

Then craft your new Identity Script. 

Example: “I am centered. I am grounded. I am a sovereign women at choice at all times. I choose me. I am committed to my well being above all else. I love myself. I am seen and heard. My needs matter. I am a present and engaged mother. Motherhood gets to feel good for me. I am ease, flow and grace. I am love. I am safe.”

Act As If
Last but certainly not least, I want you to visualize your ideal daily experience of motherhood and anything else connected to your ultimate happiness and fulfillment. See yourself as the version of you that already knows she is capable of being the mother she desires to be and has the delicate balance of nurturing others and nurturing herself. See yourself as the version of you that is already BEING present, engaged, loving, centered and grounded AND taking exquisite fucking care of herself. Picture it in your mind. Feel it in your body. 

What are you wearing?
Who are you with?
What are you saying to yourself?
How do you feel?

Be her. Feel her. See her. Do this daily! Step into her every.single.day. And I promise, you will collapse timelines and your actions will shift with ease. Soon enough you will begin healing those wounds and BE the woman you desire to be. 

I love you. 

Cara

P.S. Do you desire deeper level support with this and other areas of your life now? If yes, contact me to discuss how we can work together, either 1:1 or in my Unfiltered Soul Mastermind. The time is now. 

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