I had a dream recently about my birthday. And how every year, I just act like I don't really want a party because I’m afraid I’ll be disappointed. When in actuality, I am still disappointed because my birthday felt lame or like I wasn't really celebrated.
The truth is, I have always wanted someone to throw me a surprise party. But I have never told anyone this or even believed it was possible. Again, I didn't want to be disappointed.
The last several years (read: decade), I have not been celebrated by others nor have I celebrated myself. No coincidence, right?
It’s the, “Why try?” defensive mechanism to protect my ego from that potential disappointment. You know the one that says you can't have what you want so why even try.
What might it mean if I invited my friends and family to a party to celebrate me and people I value and love didn't come?
They don't like me.
They don't love me.
I’m not important enough.
But what if they all came to celebrate with us? Would I even be able to appreciate and receive all that love?
Probably not. I would still criticize it. Because I don't allow myself to feel that much pleasure, that much love, that much goodness. It’s my upper limit problem. And my upper limit for pleasure has a very low threshold (unlike my threshold for pain and suffering). Check out Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap for more on Upper Limit Problems.
So how does this tie into my business and being a homeschooler?
The way we do one thing is the way we do everything.
This dream is just a very small piece of how I have denied myself pleasure for much of my life.
I have denied support.
I have denied love.
I have denied money.
I have denied friendship.
I have denied joy, fun, laughter, play.....
By denying myself of all these things, I cut off my my pleasure sources. And in doing that, I caused myself tremendous unnecessary suffering and those around me. I made my life so much harder than it needed to be. The harder life was, the more I played small. I was sabotaging and preventing myself from bringing my gifts to the world and fulfilling my divine calling.
Now it’s time to RECEIVE. I’m up for the task. Are you?
You can bet your ass that this year I am inviting all my friends to attend an amazing and intimate birthday dinner for myself this year. I am going to celebrate the shit out of my life this year. And this is just ONE way that I choose to receive pleasure this year. Each day I am making new choices to receive more and more of what I desire.
I choose to receive ease.
I choose to receive love.
I choose to receive abundance.
I choose to receive support.
I choose to receive compassion.
I choose to receive fun.
I choose to receive joy.
I choose to receive all the pleasures I desire.
As I move through my days, I notice when I feel angry, resentful, sad, etc. These feelings are indicators that I am out of alignment and in resistance. Out of balance, so to say. Then I ask myself, “What do I want or need right now to come back to center and feel ease and flow?”
Maybe I just need a nice hot shower or to sit down with a cup of hot tea. Maybe I need to journal for a few minutes or turn on some music and dance. Maybe I need to show myself some compassion and forgiveness first and then send love and forgiveness to others.
Now it's your turn.
What are your true desires?
Where are you denying yourself the pleasures and happiness you crave deep down?
What is one desire you are willing to receive right now and what is one step you will take to allow it in?
Claim it out loud. Share with us in the comments and allow us to witness you with love.
If you want some accountability as you incorporate these new practices into your daily life, join us in the Homeschool Boss Moms FaceBook group.
Or if you want to fast track your results with your very own Intuitive Coach by your side, private message me to schedule a Discovery Call and see if we are aligned to work together one-on-one.
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